Go Back to the Beginning

I think that sometimes we get so caught up in what he has called us to birth that we forget that it all started with one day that he chose to step off the throne to throw his arms around us. 

Do you remember the beginning? The first time that Jesus brought his love affair with you to the forefront of your heart? Do you remember that day that everything changed? Do you remember how you felt? The way that everything looked more alive that the second before?

I remember the day like it as yesterday. I was broken. Not the kind of brokenness that we see in normal day to day, but a deep brokenness that seemed to stem throughout every area of my life. My marriage was broken, my self image was broken, my family was broken, and I had just lost my two month old nephew to a freak accident. I was broken. I felt unrepairable. I drank and partied to soothe myself but nothing seemed to fill the void. I felt so alone and hopeless. I remember having arrived from the funeral home after helping arrange the details of my nephew’s funeral and I could barely keep myself together. This is an unusual thing for me as I am the one that always has all her T’s crossed and I’s dotted, but on this day there was no way to hold it in. To save my pride I darted to the bathroom ran the shower so no one would hear me and I sobbed. It wasn’t a normal cry. It was the kind of crying that comes with a  million emotions and brings exhaustion instead of breakthrough. I was so angry with God because of all that was broken around me. I didn’t know what to do and I just yelled out as loud as I could, “what do you want from me?”! I heard God’s audible voice speak so clearly, “I just want you”. Those words I believe also had so much emotion in them. He wants me. He wanted me then and he wants me now. It was a statement filled with 1000 yes’s for me and about me. He wanted me. All of my brokenness. All of my distain, and he wanted to exchange it with all that He is. HIS words ring throughout eternity “I just want you”. 

Imagine that the creator of the universe, the God of awe and wonders, stops the world to tell you that you are his. Not only does he claim you as his own he then begins to tell you his plans for you and his innumerable thoughts of you. At the beginning his words become the only thing that satisfies. For me, it was like sleep interrupted my time with him. I could not go to sleep without him and I couldn’t wait to wake up to be with him.

“If I wasn’t careful I would allow the call of the future to overshadow the beauty of the beginning”

In the middle of this new and wonderful relationship I began to realize my purpose. I saw that God had an assignment for me and that there were so many people that needed to experience the same love he had poured out on me. If I wasn’t careful I would allow the call of the future to overshadow the beauty of the beginning. I believe that it becomes so easy to get caught up in all of the work for the Kingdom that you forget the beginning of your love affair with Jesus. I feel like there are so many of us that need to be reminded that the love affair with Jesus; the feeling of the first time you came face to face with him, is just one focus away. 

So, I want to encourage you, that no matter where you are, no matter how far you have run up the mountain, no matter how deep you have run into the cave, you can always go back to the beginning. In the beginning where he told you that you were his and that is all that has ever mattered. You can go back there and stand in the truth that Jesus said a 1000 yes’s over you and those yes’s are still ringing through eternity!

Written by Jenimar Pendleton

Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash

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